Heard a song on the radio the other day... The elephant and me... interesting lyrics. Thought one day it could apply to either of us.
I don't know how to say this... honestly, I have not been truly happy ever since I left you. I guess there were times we were really unhappy when we were together. Times when you were unhappy with me, and times when I was unhappy with you, times when I was unhappy with myself. But there were times when we were really happy too, times when I was really happy. I thought you should know that.
I wonder how you're doing but again I'm afraid of hurting you, afraid that we're just not letting each other move on. I recently learnt how closed my heart actually really is. I thought for a long time how I could not move on from the shadow and past of our failed relationship, but then I thought again. Perhaps my heart was closed even before then. I'm sorry and I don't know why or how my heart closed off to you too. Maybe that's how you felt distant even though you were just beside me.
I was brought up with the teaching never to regret anything in life, and thus never do anything we might regret as well. Of course that's not totally true but in a way, there's always something worthy of a lesson or a blessing in disguise, a wrong turn that leads us and makes us who we are through mistakes, hardships, heartbreaks. Thus even if bad things happen, even if we make mistakes, I was taught not to regret life as that does the present nor future any good. In a way, I guess it seems like a carpe diem mentality, but again I'd like to defect to memento mori as only because of the limited time we have in this world that we should cherish, embrace, and appreciate life's experiences be it up or down, as that's what gives life colour beyond the greater design of a fairly common and repetitive structure of just life itself. Nonetheless, I look back and can't help feeling sorry and can't help feeling regret for a lot of my experiences and decisions. Perhaps one day I might look back and it all does't matter in the infinity of this world and time where our existence was pretty insignificant. But we existed. 'We' existed. And today... is not that day. Cuz me and the elephant, we still remember you.
I don't know how to say this... honestly, I have not been truly happy ever since I left you. I guess there were times we were really unhappy when we were together. Times when you were unhappy with me, and times when I was unhappy with you, times when I was unhappy with myself. But there were times when we were really happy too, times when I was really happy. I thought you should know that.
I wonder how you're doing but again I'm afraid of hurting you, afraid that we're just not letting each other move on. I recently learnt how closed my heart actually really is. I thought for a long time how I could not move on from the shadow and past of our failed relationship, but then I thought again. Perhaps my heart was closed even before then. I'm sorry and I don't know why or how my heart closed off to you too. Maybe that's how you felt distant even though you were just beside me.
I was brought up with the teaching never to regret anything in life, and thus never do anything we might regret as well. Of course that's not totally true but in a way, there's always something worthy of a lesson or a blessing in disguise, a wrong turn that leads us and makes us who we are through mistakes, hardships, heartbreaks. Thus even if bad things happen, even if we make mistakes, I was taught not to regret life as that does the present nor future any good. In a way, I guess it seems like a carpe diem mentality, but again I'd like to defect to memento mori as only because of the limited time we have in this world that we should cherish, embrace, and appreciate life's experiences be it up or down, as that's what gives life colour beyond the greater design of a fairly common and repetitive structure of just life itself. Nonetheless, I look back and can't help feeling sorry and can't help feeling regret for a lot of my experiences and decisions. Perhaps one day I might look back and it all does't matter in the infinity of this world and time where our existence was pretty insignificant. But we existed. 'We' existed. And today... is not that day. Cuz me and the elephant, we still remember you.
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