I should have left it at silence...... somehow with you, that always seemed like the better option.
Its not that we should not be communicating. I just feel that you always rapidly descend into negativity and pessimism every time things go slightly better. I was reading one of the older posts some time ago... I believe it was "A tribute to the man I loved"... Reading it made me feel touched.... and reminisce about a lot of things from the past, how we started, the things we did... but rather quickly after that, it transcended into negativity, blaming me for the breakdown of our relationship, that I was already not loving after the first breakup. I never loved you any less... But I felt pushed away... and there were always reasons different reasons... I guess I was never quite comfortable with your absolute and resolute. For that reason, you could never stand me for the way I handle decisions, problems, and conflicts as well. Probably one of the reasons why we handle conflicts so badly and why we always end up on conflict.
I guess you really hate me for keep justifying the breakup. Honestly I probably forgotten the reasons but I know I questioned fundamental fit of our characters and personalities. Only thing I underestimated was love... it was strong and enduring... but my faith is weak and to avoid conflict, I retreat, and remain silent, I escape and avoid. Irritates the hell out of you doesn't it? I remember you quarreling with me about sweeping things under the carpet before... and now, its easier than ever especially when there are so many other things occupying my mind... and before I know it I'm off to another country again. Is there any point in conflict still at this point? Finger pointing, or spiraling negativities? I thought there was nothing left or we were at rock bottom. I'd love to catch up, to talk and find out how you're doing, and I think we did enjoy doing that... I just hope each interaction we have does not result in the subsequent spiraling down again.
Sigh... This posting does't end up making any of us feel any better does it? I'm sorry...
Its not that we should not be communicating. I just feel that you always rapidly descend into negativity and pessimism every time things go slightly better. I was reading one of the older posts some time ago... I believe it was "A tribute to the man I loved"... Reading it made me feel touched.... and reminisce about a lot of things from the past, how we started, the things we did... but rather quickly after that, it transcended into negativity, blaming me for the breakdown of our relationship, that I was already not loving after the first breakup. I never loved you any less... But I felt pushed away... and there were always reasons different reasons... I guess I was never quite comfortable with your absolute and resolute. For that reason, you could never stand me for the way I handle decisions, problems, and conflicts as well. Probably one of the reasons why we handle conflicts so badly and why we always end up on conflict.
I guess you really hate me for keep justifying the breakup. Honestly I probably forgotten the reasons but I know I questioned fundamental fit of our characters and personalities. Only thing I underestimated was love... it was strong and enduring... but my faith is weak and to avoid conflict, I retreat, and remain silent, I escape and avoid. Irritates the hell out of you doesn't it? I remember you quarreling with me about sweeping things under the carpet before... and now, its easier than ever especially when there are so many other things occupying my mind... and before I know it I'm off to another country again. Is there any point in conflict still at this point? Finger pointing, or spiraling negativities? I thought there was nothing left or we were at rock bottom. I'd love to catch up, to talk and find out how you're doing, and I think we did enjoy doing that... I just hope each interaction we have does not result in the subsequent spiraling down again.
Sigh... This posting does't end up making any of us feel any better does it? I'm sorry...
