Back to blogging..
I never knew if continuing to blog was a good idea.. it seems that this was how we were going to communicate if anymore.. but then again.. lots of thoughts are shared here.. perhaps more than we did before..
I wonder what makes love enduring.. what makes relationships fragile.. its funny I attended a "class gathering" of sorts.. not my class.. Azhar's class.. I do not remember how or why I started crashing his class gatherings but it has been for a while that I'm now part of the clique. Funny how they were talking about Prometheus and I was complaining I don't have movie company nowadays.. They suggested I jio Kenny, one of Azhar's JC classmates of course, incidentally also the son of my dad's friend. When I replied that I don't do "married men", they mentioned that he's not married when I clearly remembered attending his wedding. I guess marriages don't last very long nowadays. Its the 5th divorce I know personally.. and of course quite a few others involved with married men.
Lots of things have happened recently.. so many things. Somehow, things don't really get better. We just learn to cope with them easier. You came over the other day.. passed me back my sweatshirt.. it was rather painful to receive it honestly. Frankly I have't quite packed up your stuff yet, they have been always in the cupboard. Maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I don't know where else to keep them. I wonder if we'll ever be able to move on.
I often wonder how we'll be 10 years from now... I'll probably be married with kids... separated... going through a difficult divorce. Having another relationship to which I can't emotionally commit to... my wife taking care of the kids, potentially dating and moving on. I'm in a regional leadership position in another MNC, having taken my MBA. Probably spent a couple of years being posted overseas. My dad has probably passed away, my mom's a lot more lifeless ever since, my brother just gotten married for a couple of years, doing well in his job, exploring a start up with some friends but also having another full time job of his own. We probably still catch up for coffee from time to time, you and I no longer have this awkward silence. I'll probably share with you my problems, partially... but you're also only willing to listen partially. You might be dating... might be married... we're no longer close. I guess you know my chronic issue and its up to me to leave the vicious cycle and pattern. Strange how at 40 years old I should be having nice family.. planning for kids and starting to look at long term financial stability for retirement but everything is being redefined 10 years from now.. perhaps my life had never really been stable. I should never have gotten married. I wonder if I loved my wife as much as I should or if it was another logical decision. I wonder how the world would have changed in 10 years time.. technology... social... political... and then I start thinking... how fat would I have grown in 10 years time? Haha... oh well... somehow, life does't seem quite appealing to look forward to. Its quite paradoxical that in attempt to make responsible decisions, I seem to end up making the most irresponsible ones.
Anyway.. I have not been blogging cuz I really wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I wanted you to move on, fall in love again, be happy.. maybe like you said, I can't engineer life's plans and fate, and happiness this way.. the second reason why I've not blogged was because blogger changed its format and for the longest time, I had no idea how to create new postings.. stupid excuse I know.. but between figuring out and having business trips and a whole host of other problems to deal with, its an easy excuse to KIV and put aside. Another easy way of escapism is to sleep and sleep and sleep alot to avoid thinking or facing anyone or any situation. Oh well... I'm not making any more sense... its the Laphroig 10yrs talking now.
I never knew if continuing to blog was a good idea.. it seems that this was how we were going to communicate if anymore.. but then again.. lots of thoughts are shared here.. perhaps more than we did before..
I wonder what makes love enduring.. what makes relationships fragile.. its funny I attended a "class gathering" of sorts.. not my class.. Azhar's class.. I do not remember how or why I started crashing his class gatherings but it has been for a while that I'm now part of the clique. Funny how they were talking about Prometheus and I was complaining I don't have movie company nowadays.. They suggested I jio Kenny, one of Azhar's JC classmates of course, incidentally also the son of my dad's friend. When I replied that I don't do "married men", they mentioned that he's not married when I clearly remembered attending his wedding. I guess marriages don't last very long nowadays. Its the 5th divorce I know personally.. and of course quite a few others involved with married men.
Lots of things have happened recently.. so many things. Somehow, things don't really get better. We just learn to cope with them easier. You came over the other day.. passed me back my sweatshirt.. it was rather painful to receive it honestly. Frankly I have't quite packed up your stuff yet, they have been always in the cupboard. Maybe I'm just lazy, maybe I don't know where else to keep them. I wonder if we'll ever be able to move on.
I often wonder how we'll be 10 years from now... I'll probably be married with kids... separated... going through a difficult divorce. Having another relationship to which I can't emotionally commit to... my wife taking care of the kids, potentially dating and moving on. I'm in a regional leadership position in another MNC, having taken my MBA. Probably spent a couple of years being posted overseas. My dad has probably passed away, my mom's a lot more lifeless ever since, my brother just gotten married for a couple of years, doing well in his job, exploring a start up with some friends but also having another full time job of his own. We probably still catch up for coffee from time to time, you and I no longer have this awkward silence. I'll probably share with you my problems, partially... but you're also only willing to listen partially. You might be dating... might be married... we're no longer close. I guess you know my chronic issue and its up to me to leave the vicious cycle and pattern. Strange how at 40 years old I should be having nice family.. planning for kids and starting to look at long term financial stability for retirement but everything is being redefined 10 years from now.. perhaps my life had never really been stable. I should never have gotten married. I wonder if I loved my wife as much as I should or if it was another logical decision. I wonder how the world would have changed in 10 years time.. technology... social... political... and then I start thinking... how fat would I have grown in 10 years time? Haha... oh well... somehow, life does't seem quite appealing to look forward to. Its quite paradoxical that in attempt to make responsible decisions, I seem to end up making the most irresponsible ones.
Anyway.. I have not been blogging cuz I really wasn't sure if it was a good idea. I wanted you to move on, fall in love again, be happy.. maybe like you said, I can't engineer life's plans and fate, and happiness this way.. the second reason why I've not blogged was because blogger changed its format and for the longest time, I had no idea how to create new postings.. stupid excuse I know.. but between figuring out and having business trips and a whole host of other problems to deal with, its an easy excuse to KIV and put aside. Another easy way of escapism is to sleep and sleep and sleep alot to avoid thinking or facing anyone or any situation. Oh well... I'm not making any more sense... its the Laphroig 10yrs talking now.
