How to balance risk, potential opportunity, family and moral obligations? I'm trapped in a situation, not a good situation but not a bad situation either. No time to elaborate this tonight and I do not think I want to as well. There just seems to be too much room for condemnation whichever decision I make. I think the answer really lies within myself. What do I really want? Maybe its not the decision I make but how I handle it.
*ponders*

Went salsa again yesterday to Union Square. That's like the place to be for Salsa in Singapore. Almost becoming a regular there now. They had an NUS event there yesterday and the dance floor was CROWDED, with observers. It almost seemed like the few who were actually dancing were performing and the rest were gathering around to watch like some street show or baskers in the middle of Orchard Road. As the night got later, the crowd from the NUS bunch dispersed and things got back to becoming a little more normal.

We ordered a pillar of beer. Ermm... I would like to call it a jug, a pint, a barrel or anything more familiar but if you really see it, pillar really does seem to be the most appropriate term. So whatever the others used to call it, its called a pillar now. Halfway through a lady took her order at the bar counter, she smiled at me and I smiled back. Before I knew it she asked, "You are Zhigang right?" I looked at her in disbelief. No I did not recognise her, and she remembered my name. This must be the millionth time it has happened in the past two months. Have I caught amnesia or something? Anyway I TRIED to pretend I have some impression of her face. It didn't work, she knew I had no idea. This was damn embarassing. Anyway if she ever happens to read this blog, sincerest apologies Siqi.

With an empty stomach I drak the beer and before I knew it, I was a bit high... and you know what? Dancing that way feels GREATTT. Soon the guys and girls from the Tuesday class joined us. Don and the other two girls had to leave early but I had to steal a couple of dances from the gals before I leave or I'll feel my time to be wasted. I did my zalsa again Hahaha... improvision and creation of whatever often missing a step here and there. Jackson saw me, darn... I think I'm really in his black book now. Haha... oh well.. "As long as you enjoy it, that is most important" -Jordan- Oh saw Jordan again, she said hi this time, she's really really sweating. Didn't wanna ask her for a dance like that. Haha... no offense.. its nothing personal. And thanks for that phrase, it made me really enjoy salsa. *winkz* Never saw Jane ever again though. Need to return her a beer.

Haven't blogged for a few days.
Just got Donovan's tank ready... Freakking alot of work especially the transport. I swear I'll hire someone to do that for me and only do the set up. Ok back to his tank. Set it up this afternoon... filter running,water filled, CO2 tank set up and all... Its always exciting setting up a new tank. This time though, there's a little pressure as I really want to be able to do it right and make it DAMN NICE... after all, I think I need to know how to do it right. Maybe this is for me to prove myself of my expertise... or do I actually have that? I'm not a hardcore hobbyist and do not adhere to every single rule. But then Michael seems to defy many of the rules himself. He has 50 tested and proven tanks out there and he used to volunteer with Van Kleef aquarium. His experience should say something. Anyway, his way does have restrictions and I still want to try doing something beyond those restrictions. Frankly, I want Donovan's tank to be nicer than my own. The plants and fishes are not in yet. Will be shopping for a few more plants and some of his algae crew. Getting excited about the scaping.

Starts with 'A' ends with 'T'

Last night I had a belated birthday dinner treat from two friends. We knew each other through a project we did together where I was a very pushy group leader. I think all of us in the group got an A for the module but sometimes wonder if it was worth putting myself in such a 'hated' position. Well... we stayed as friends and even went travellign together. Not that bad I guess. I never thought they would actually want to be friends with a tyranny group leader. Anyway back to last night... after the dinner, one of them mentioned about one word which would describe me, this probably was like a johari window out of the virtual world. The clue was, it starts with an 'A' and ends with a 'T'. After quite a bit of guessing the word came out.

'ARROGANT'...!!!

I guess I always knew somehow I projected somewhat an image like that. But hearing someone actually saying that about you? Hmmm... feels different. But I didn't take it too bad as these people were like super open and unafraid of sayig anything politically incorrect so its the truth but it doesn't mean they felt offended byit or anything. Frankly, I wonder how many of mycloser friends really know the truth to my 'arrogance'. Or am I just kidding my self and I really am arrogant.

Where is the line drawn then, arrogance and confidence? I want to be able to believe in myself, yet not be arrogant. Anyway I don't really have anything to be arrogant about. Arrogant or not, one thing I still need to learn is to take criticisms well and positively.

Post BioBiz 2006

More photos from the conference....
Well... post conference.

Chicken or egg?

This issue always arises when I'm working with this friend. Its probably not easy on his side.. as well. Ok so we decide to do a little trading. He has some contacts and asks me if I'm interested to sell some stuff. I went ahead and sought dealers or customers and eventually.. now here comes the problem. When we are the small guys the suppliers' price to us is usually based on volume. When we do not command volume, they do not ewant to entertain us. So we do notk ow our margin when we quote the customers but how can we get a good gauge how to price our goods? I think we lack experience still. But basically, without a definite price no customers commit, without customers committing, we do not get a definite price from the supliers. Feel a little frustrated with the lack of bargaining power on either side. Oh well... whoever said it was easy anyway. Haha...

Confidence/morale roller coaster

Sigh... hate this ride but I need to learn how to handle it. Talking to people who believes in you make you feel so flattered... sometimes being excited you share it with the wrong people and your morale just goes down the drain again. I dun think I'm arrogant, I just want to be confident and believe that I can become what I want to be. Its the saddest when you do not get that kind of support and belief from your closest ones. Wanna thank two of my closest friends who always believed in me and made me believe in myself. Thanks for being there for me, at times when the odds are toughest and encouraging me on.

Morale of the story...

"When you're going through a tough time, hang around people who make you feel good about yourself! The rest of your friends can wait."

Part two to this post...
Another friend is going through a super low state of emotions. Frankly, I want to be energetic and push him on and motivate him by accomplising somethign together no matter how big or small... but then, I'm not sure I'm able to do that. Feel abit helpless and not sure how to help him yet I partly think he probably should try to help himself also. Oh well...

After BioBiz 2006

After around 7 months of intensive planning and all the conference was finally over. Two weeks ago, my comp was down, and the amount of emails from BioBiz everyday was horrendous. Panicked like mad when my comp went down. Luckily I still have my laptop as backup.

We had our debrief discussion last Sat. Was still a little euphoric about how we managed to pull it off. Just can't help having that smug smile thinking about the conference and the kind of comments we got. I think we delivered world class stuff.

Our current team would most probably be supporting the new team for next year's conference. I am a little apprehensive though. We did an amazing job this year but I had no idea how we all did it. Not sure if we can produce the same results next year. At least one thing is for sure, we all learnt alot and definitely know the critical points.

All in all, pretty proud of the comments we got. I think we have an amazing team which put in alot of commitment and hardwork. All of us were either working or studying full time. Finding time out for something like this is really amazing. Great job guys!! Btw this is a non profit event and all organisers were not paid. We do have a thank you dinner though... Hahaha...!!! It better be good.

Serendipity

Was supposed to meet a friend for dinner, well... was supposed to meet two friends, one was sick so couldn't make it. Anyway the other friend was late.. I waited at the MRT station, her train came, I went in she came out. We missed each other. We called and decided I should wait at the next stop. So I did... I usually carry abook around with me to read on journeys... but not that day. I was going Salsa that night. I arrived at the next stop and sat down on the bench.

So I entertained myself on the phone playing some game when a guy said to me, "Nice shirt. Where did you get it from?" Now that was a gift from Rahul. So I told him it was a gift. Got it in US probably about USD30+. Frankly I dind';t know the price but that kind of price was possible for that Tommy Hilfiger shirt atthe factory outlets. I said its rather cheap and he commented otherwise. Well... to my defense, when you're earning in USD you spend in USD for a shirt like that 30+ is alright. Eventually we chatted about what I was doing in the US and what I was doing now. We exchanged numbers and then he called me later and brought up a possibility of a job offer.

Now how often does that happen? The chances of all the events happening for me to be there at that time wearing that shirt and all.. I wasn't even supposed ot be there and I wanted to wear the other shirt which well... isn't ironed yet. Anyway, probably will discuss more about that over coffee or something. Right now, my heart is halfway to Dubai already. Hope the thing with Michael really materialises.

The tank below... is AWESOME!!! Saw this picture on a hobbyist forum. Its like the ideal setup for the tangayikan fishes shown below. Backdrop and decorative materials are all made of resin, not natural rock. Now, I'm super enticed to try DIY a backdrop myself... Anyway this will always serve as a reference point for all my future African cichlid setups.

Horoscope quickie for the day:
Stop being so tentative -- if you don't start picking a path, one will pick you.

Hmmm... do I not have to choose a path? Well... frankly I have no idea if the path is getting clearer or am I losing vision again. Some times being too open to options may not be a very good thing after all... especially if you start losing focus if what you really want. What do I really want? Hmmm... do I still know? Hahaha... am I even in the position to choose? At least I know I'm not the only one feeling this way...

How do you handle the controversy of the desire to be heard yet keeping your privacy? I never thought of ever keeping a diary nor and did not quite imagine I would start blogging. The hardest part was not really to figure about what I want to blog about. In fact I probably have more to say than I would have the patience to blog it down. Ok back to the hardest part, finding a name for the blog and an unused blog domain name. Its either that I'm an exceptionally boring person who ends up choosing all the names people have used before or the blogosphere is already much bigger and crowded than I thought it was.

Anyway just came back from late night supper with my uncle, his wife and my brother. I should be pretty lucky... Love my family though I don't express much or show it much. And Singapore's a great place, food available all around 24 hours, 7 days a week. And you know what? We're not as obese as the Americans. HAH!